Tuesday, July 12, 2011


Intertwined (Intertwined, #1)Intertwined by Gena Showalter (Intertwined Book #1)

     Most sixteen-year-olds have friends. Aden Stone has four human souls living inside him:

     One can time-travel.

     One can raise the dead.

     One can tell the future.

     And one can possess another human.

     With no other family and a life spent in and out of institutions, Aden and the souls have become friends. But now they're causing him all kinds of trouble. Like, he'll blink and suddenly he's a younger Aden, reliving the past. One wrong move, and he'll change the future. Or he'll walk past a total stranger and know how and when she's going to die.

      He's so over it. All he wants is peace.

     And then he meets a girl who quiets the voices. Well, as long as he's near her. Why? Mary Ann Gray is his total opposite. He's a loner; she has friends. He doesn't care what anyone thinks; she tries to make everyone happy. And while he attracts the paranormal, she repels it. For her sake, he should stay away. But it's too late....

     Somehow, they share an inexplicable bond of friendship. A bond about to be tested by a werewolf shape-shifter who wants Mary Ann for his own, and a vampire princess Aden can't resist.

     Two romances, both forbidden. Still, the four will enter a dark underworld of intrigue and danger but not everyone will come out alive....

       Young Adult

        When I finished this book four months ago, I was jumping up and down in joy, content to put it away to reside for all eternity beneath the many tomes of literature that both I and my parents own, never to be seen again.

      And I say this with relief. 

      This just might be the worst book I have had the pleasure of seeing since the incident with Twilight, no joke, and may I say that I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Gena Showalter, who has more published books than I wish to count, has made the year of 2010 even more hellish than I originally imagined, and I've officially ranked her with those of Lauren Kate and Stephanie Meyer, who also had a hand of making last year a literature nightmare. 

       In all honesty, though, the book originally appeared to be an overall not-too-shabby YA chunk that has been littering the market for the past couple of years. But then I read past the first twenty pages. 

       The protagonist of the series, Haden "Aden" Stone, at first appears to be well-fleshed out, likeable and with an interesting history to boot, no doubt worth my time. But, as the story drags out you can literally watch the skin and muscle peel back to reveal the cardboard bones beneath, and then his true nature is revealed as a whiny, angsty brat who I want to shoot to put out of its misery.   And then Mary- Sue Anne Gray lets herself be known.  

       And it all goes downhill from there.

      Why of course she's got to be the most perfect dickens, doing her homework all nice like and dating the local football star, never straying from her father's chosen path and even choosing the career he laid out like the precious little angel she is, never arguing our voicing her own opinions like the little mechanic robot she is. 

       Mary - Stue Anne is the character from H E Double Hockey Sticks. She literally makes me want to go to my room and cry over the fall of modern literature. 

       She even calls her dad daddy for gods sake. 

       So then starts the epic adventure of Aden and Mary Stue Anne, and their even more horrid love interests, the vampire and the werewolf, Victoria and Riley.

      Yeah. That's their names. No joke. 

      So, our perfect little succubus is the princess of vampires, who can only be wounded through her ears our eyes, and is the daughter of my historical hero, Vlad Drăculea. 

      You can tell that this irritates me, can't you?

       So, our wonderful Prinţesă and her god of a guard, the ancient, cursed lycanthrope from medieval Romania branded with the name Riley, fall in love with the mortals Aden and Mary, despite the fact that they would long outlive them as they turn to dust.

      After these wonderful timbits (Yes, timbits. I'm Canadian, okay?) come into  play, the author decides to cram the book so much paranormal creatures that the Pope would have a heart attack. Everything from Ghouls to Faeries to Witches and Werewolves. Now, you see a book like Nightlife manges to balance this well, Intertwined makes it seem utterly ridiculou since you get little to no facts on how creatures such as this avoid human detection. 

        And it is all blah, blah, blah, I don't wish to be here all day ranting about a sucky book I wish had never seen the light of day. Trust me. This is garbage. The characters are trash, the plot is trash, the pages are trash. This book is a pile of stinking mess squashed between to cardboard flaps and sold for fifteen dollars (I honestly wish I had my money back). The writing is juvenile and there is so many mistakes (ex. welsh instead of some other word, I can't really remember right now) that it is truly sad. 

      She also allows a prep to kill of the King of Vampires and Impaler of unfortunate souls, Vlad, without a second thought. That is a big no-no among most books and many wouldn't even think of committing such a hanus crime. 

       Number one sign of a bimbo author behind the keys.

      Goodnight to all Fantasy Readers and taker care. Be warned that there are monsters out there, both literary and not.


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